Gone

This is one of those moments I push someone away entirely.

I can’t trust anyone it seems. Well, in fact I can trust people, and I shouldn’t let one young girls deceit hurt me so. I shouldn’t even let Joseph’s deceit bother me. Maybe it is best to recollect and calm my mind before I become an irrational thinker. Everything has a way of working out, and the fact of the matter is that those friendships weren’t meant to be because of the way nature had worked.

You may have used me. You may have lied to me. You may have used me on purpose. I also was quite the idiot in many ways the one, and as much as I regret it all I accept what has been handed to me.

I will never make this mistake again.

Terrible Mother

Sometimes I really hate you…

Sometimes I wonder if you get me at all…

I don’t think you really listen. You have a brain, you can be smart, but you will never understand. You hear what you want to hear and see what you want to see. I just can’t stand being around you at the best of times. You are just a rude person…

You may buy me things, but now it is only cause you think I expect it. I do not expect it half of the time unless you promise me. It is funny how those work out though. A promise always broken by a mother always lying. I don’t know why I talk to you or why I trust you. I think it is really about time I secluded myself entirely from you.

I can’t trust, talk or be around you anymore. I won’t tell you where I am going. I won’t tell you what I am doing. I will just do it. It’s cause I am tired of you making me feel like a worthless shit, and always terrible. I won’t even care if you’re sorry. Those are always lies too.

You get mad just cause I won’t clean as actively as you. I do clean on my own time- don’t bother spewing your lessons of life and how it won’t be that way with a job. I don’t care about that. I have my own way- the simple way.

Over?

July 16, 2009, a relationship that started on a wonderful day to only end a little over a month later. I have only been in love once, and honestly I knew I was falling in love with you. At least my mind said so, but no, my heart doubts it immensely. I have been in so many relationships, and I always made it out like I was so innocent in all of them, but I knew I had my problems. However, this one hurt the most because I read the world ‘fling’, and it made everything stop.

Do I want to be with you again? If you asked if I loved you would I say I do? Would I even think of taking you back? Probably not, because I have been used before, and the fact you thought us as a fling broke my heart entirely. Well, maybe it didn’t break my whole heart, but it did your portion.

I knew you didn’t trust my judgment. I know you didn’t think anything of it, but I knew my suspicions were correct. Junwon was going to invade, Junwon was going to get you to like her, and you know what- I am going to let it happen. I am not going to fight for love, and I am not going to wait for you any longer. I am just going to stay your friend.

I have good senses on people, and I know what can make me happy. The sad part is your aren’t the one I can do it anymore. Six months of loving me and wanting me so bad didn’t mean much in the end, and ironically enough you questioned your love and want for me. I warned you how I was, and I don’t think you were weary enough to them.

Now we are not on square one, but more on square zero. Straight from the very beginning-

I don’t imagine a relationship, and I am not driven to jealousy when you post about Junwon or talk about that. Really, I have pushed away from those tangles that had me and I will find something happier for me.

It won't be you.

Exie

So you rather give me reasons not to trust you.
So you rather give me reasons to hate the very existence of who you are.
So you rather let me have a reason to cut you out of my life.
You gave me the reason to make you dead to me.


I don’t really know what to say anymore, or how to act, or what to do when it comes to be around him. All he does is sit there and seem nonchalant with the world around him or hating it all together. You could say he is a pretty good actor with how he portraits himself, but I know now. I know that my best friend was nothing really then a boy who wanted to hate the world using everything as a crutch to make him feel better.

You said I was selfish. I will remember that; as a blind man you could never see the deeds I have done. Instead you festered on the bad and rolled in the dung of your lies becoming this foul smelling human with all the waste of things you say. I can’t tell you even how angry I am, and how much I bled from that wound you planted in my heart. You were and are a “scumbag”, a changed person I defended from the world. A liar wearing the mask of a honest good natured man.

I hope you never come back to me. I hope you never try to put on that little smile and fake voice- you deceitful excuse for a human being. You are someone designed for me not to trust, and accepting you into my life would only cause more problems rather than good. You will want me to save you from the edge, but I won’t. I think this time I will let you fall. I won’t even look twice. Because, how could I cry for someone who was so rude and heartless towards me and lied to my face all the time.

I have something to prove, and I have something to fix to myself and to you. I am not a heartless ignoring thing. I can take time out to be with people, and I will prove it when school comes next year to everyone but you. I won’t let you come to me asking for friendship or tying to weigh your intelligence on me. I may not be extremely intelligent, I do not know all those fun facts, but I know what I should and it somehow turns right.

“She is childish.” So I am childish…? I don’t know how many times you will act like a child to be annoying and hurt someone on purpose. Everything about you makes me mad! I just despise you now and I hope you perish. I hope you disappear! I hope I never see you again. No, I don’t hope you die. I just hope you will never come for my friendship again. All you are is a condescending little man who is filled with hypocrisy and contradictions.

We will never be friends again.